domingo, 9 de dezembro de 2012

Quer gastar? Veja as piores compras possíveis

Se você quer fazer compras realmente ruins, as piores possíveis, eis aqui algumas sugestões.
Todos os itens são maneiras excelentes de jogar dinheiro fora sem um maior esforço.

This hand-painted cat statue is $90,000.00. That’s ninety thousand dollars more than an actual cat. But that’s not the best part. The description, written in some sort of hybrid ebay dialect, includes the nugget “(c) 1992.” Which means this person’s been trying to sell this ninety thousand dollar cat for twenty years.Esta estátua de um gato, pintada a mão, está à venda por 90 mil dólares no eBay. É tão absurdo que ela está em oferta há 20 anos sem encontrar comprador.

Now, you can have the artificial barfy watermelon from Jolly Ranchers belched through your house in clouds of sooty smoke. But that’s not all. No, if you click through to the product description, it says it’s frequently bought with… well, I’ll let you see.  Esta é baratinha, mas terrível: uma vela com perfume artificial de melancia. Imagine os momentos românticos a dois com esta vela...

If you’re banking on society ending on December 21 like some people said the Mayans said, now’s the time to order your Survival Pallet of Chicken. It’s ninety-eight pounds of chicken for $6,720, so I suppose you’re mostly paying for the cans. But it’s going to be great to get some protein in between when you hide in the dark basement and when someone kills you for your canned chicken. The manufacturer also offers a pallet of ground beef and a pallet of pork, but my money’s on the chicken. I mean, it’s not actually on it, because I’m not stupid and I don’t think the world’s going to end this month. Se você acha que o mundo termina dia 21, este kit de sobrevivência com 50 quilos de carnes enlatadas (galinha, gado e peru) pode ser a solução. Caríssimo: 6.720 dólares.  Mas é o preço da sobrevivência...

The BabyPlus Prenatal Education System is a speaker, intended for a pregnant woman to hold up to her uterus from the outside, ghetto-blasting her unborn baby with two hours of sound a day. Not only is $131 a bit much for a speaker attached to a nylon gut-strap, but the myriad reviews left by unsatisfied parents say that it damaged their child’s hearing, affected their child’s sleep pattern, was louder than designed… and… guess what… broke immediately. So it remains my opinion that if you want to have a genius baby, the best way is for her father to gently rap-whisper into her mother’s swollen baby chamber. “One, two, three and to the four,” I would murmur. “Snoop Doggy Dad and Dr. Mom is at the door.” Está grávida? Então pode se interessar por este kit de educação pré-natal. A ideia é de que ele toque sons agradáveis durante duas horas por dia, dirigidos diretamente ao útero materno. Algumas pessoas compraram, só pra se queixar depois: o som é alto demais, prejudica o padrão de sono do feto e - imaginem só - quebra rapidamente.

Come sit down on Santa’s face and tell me what you want for Christmas!É Natal, é Natal! Então decore seu banheiro....

Is there anything funnier than taking an adult idea like HTML and giving it to a baby in a format called “HTML For Babies”? Yes. As a matter of fact, everything is funnier and more interesting than that. Acho que pouca coisa consegue ser pior do que isto: um livrinho que pretende ensinar linguagem HTML para bebês. Parem o mundo que eu quero descer.

Sure, you could load your photos into a digital picture frame. Or hang them on the wall. But why not print them all out and hook them onto a freestanding “photo tree”? Then they would be harder to look at, and it would take up an enormous amount of room in your house, and you wouldn’t be able to look at the photos in the back, and your cat would definitely not try to fuck with it the whole time you’re asleep. Para encerrar, o mais ridículo expositor de fotos jamais inventado.

Gostei desta brincadeira das piores compras. Talvez faça uma segunda edição em breve.



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